I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
