I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
