Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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