i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You smell like stripper and shame
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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