Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
