Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
