so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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