I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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