Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
