He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
