i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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