either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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