plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
