Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize