I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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