and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
