Your face is a jimmy john
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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