I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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