no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
