Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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