just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
