I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
