____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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