i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
