Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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