I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
