Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
