Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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