we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
