I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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