It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
