i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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