This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
