you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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