My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
