New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
