Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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