now i know why i became what i already was.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
