The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
