Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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