I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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