I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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