I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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