he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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