You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
