what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
