so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
