were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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