Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize