I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
