I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
