o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's the barista slut.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
