He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
