i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
