On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
