her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
