I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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