there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
