i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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