Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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