afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
