When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
