Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
