I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
