they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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