We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
is it fun? or sober?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
