38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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