Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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