Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
