Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize