had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did i walk over a car last night?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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