Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jerry, you need to find god
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize