I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
