Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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