Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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