the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
